I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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