I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
