if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
