I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Randomize
