Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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