For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
