ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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