I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
my poor anus
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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