I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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