Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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