conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
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My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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