why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
