just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
