currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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