Just cropdusted the office
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
