She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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