i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
