There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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