can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
