some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
