I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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