HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
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I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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