I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
