Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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