He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
