My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Boobs are out for the taking
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
