Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
