I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
