Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
