haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
