Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize