So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
