Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
