i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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