i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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