She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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