He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
