but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize