If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
