My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
