When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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