i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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