why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
