What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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