A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
