Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
