He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
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You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
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Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window