So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!