You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?