im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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