I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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