using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
