I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
