1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
