I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You are the jesus of drinking
Randomize
