I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
