i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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