I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
