WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
