i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
