some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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