i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Quick, to the slutcave!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I checked into jail on foursquare
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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