whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
