We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I am one with the molecules
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
