But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize