Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
