if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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