just come out here and I will go home with you...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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