using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
